My New-Found Appreciation + A Project for 2015

Nov 20, 2014

I've recently become a bit obsessed with mornings and waking up early. I'm working hard on developing new routines in my life and this was at the very top of my list. Anyone who knows me at all will be completely appalled to read that first sentence because for my entire life I have NEVER been a morning person. At all. Not even a little bit. Just ask one of my sisters, they'll tell you all about it.

I've always been a night owl - awake at all hours of the night - I always found that I was more productive and even more alert in those late night/early morning hours. However, somewhere along the line life happened and I became a mother with a full time job Monday through Friday, and I was totally robbed of my favorite time of day. (Or, rather, favorite time of night) Being wide awake at 3 am is a laughable concept to me know - and being productive at 3 am? Forget about it. I know myself well enough to know that if I were awake at 3 am I'd probably be more pissed off at myself than anything because of the precious hours of sleep that I know I'm missing out on.

Growing up is fun you guys, really. So much fun. Bills and bedtimes and responsibilities. What's not to like?

Anyways, the point of all of this is I needed to find a way to get my "me time" back without sacrificing sleep because sleep is, after all, one of the KEY elements of happiness. Am I right? If you're a mom, no need to answer. This is why it's recently become a priority of mine to make time for myself in the morning. Waking up an hour earlier just to get in a little "me time" before Evelyn is up and running around destroying my clean house (her favorite activity, by far) is the best motivation to get out of bed - even if it is at an ungodly hour by general standards.

One of my main goals for 2015 is to be more intentional with my time. What better way to start than by being more intentional about starting my day in the best way possible? There's just something about the serenity and stillness of mornings. It's absolutely beautiful. To be able to sit down with oneself, coffee in hand, and think about whatever crosses your mind without any distractions. For me, this feels like such a luxury. I feel like it's also been helping me keep my sanity after the crazy year that I've had and the new worries and stresses that have been added to my plate as a single mom. Life can get pretty nasty and likes to throw curve balls at you and honestly, she can be such a bitch sometimes. But alone time + reflection and a good cup of coffee seems to be a pretty great remedy. For now anyway.

This new-found rehab time of sorts has also inspired a new project that I'd like to pursue over the next year or so. Not to be annoyingly vague about it but there will be more on this little project soon enough.  ;)

Until next time.


Pumpkin Patch: Fall 2014 + Jaimie Ann Photography

Nov 6, 2014

This post is going to be pretty much about the photos and moments captured by the amazingly talented  Jaimie Ann Photography but here's a quick recap of the day :)

This was just such a fun family day that happened a few weeks ago. Procrastinator much? Absolutely. But anyways, it was very last minute as we decided to go the night before but it actually worked out great! I'm so glad we all got to spend the day together. I don't get to see my sister as often as I'd like so I'm so glad her and Evelyn got to spend some quality time together. And I was super excited when my best friend told me she wanted to come too so she could get some pictures of Evelyn at the pumpkin patch.... um you seriously have to ask? PLEASE come! Not to mention Evelyn totally loves her aunt Jaimie and we always have fun when we're together. Win-Win.

To the Guy Who Cheated

Nov 4, 2014

She loves you ya know. No, not the girl that you sneak around with in the dark. I'm talking about the one who's waiting for you at home. The one who's been there for you through thick and thin for however long. The one who has been trying so hard to make you happy and give you what you want and need. She trusts you.

And yet, there you go - with that other girl. The one you've been hiding and sneaking around with. The one who you've bluntly denied when asked who you're always texting, saying that it's some friend that the one who loves you has never met and you throw some random guy's name at her so she won't think anything of it.

But she's already suspicious of you.

She knows something's up.

You started a new job and suddenly have new friends. She thinks that's wonderful! When can she meet them? Never. Working night shift, they're all asleep during the day, or so you say,  so she'll probably never see these so called friends. "Sorry" you tell her. Maybe one day.

You are a liar.

And she knows it. She may not have physical proof yet, but she knows. Woman's intuition, you know. Women know everything. And if we don't yet, we will soon. Bet on it.

And yet you think you're getting away with it. So you continue doing what you're doing. You continue seeing this other woman while you're at work. Even make breakfast dates with her since you get off work at 8 am and you know the one who loves you will probably still be asleep. She won't notice if you get home a little late.

But she does notice.

She pretends to be asleep when you get home because she's afraid of confronting you and hearing more lies. She can hardly stand to be around you anymore. Because she knows what's going on. But she denies it. For herself as much as her child. She wants to believe the happy ending is possible. That a family really can stay together and be happy.

Why is happiness so hard to come by? She thinks about this a lot. 

Is it worth it to really call you out? Should she track your phone or is that just crazy? Should she call the number that she knows doesn't belong to the name it's under in your phone? What will she do then, when her suspicions are confirmed?

These thoughts keep her up at night.

Neither of you are happy anymore and she knows it, so she leaves. You act surprised. "What did I do?" You ask. "Why don't you trust me?" You say. "Why are you always starting stuff??" You blame her. Try to put y'all's unhappiness on her, as if she was the one sneaking around and betraying your trust. You're trying to make her look like the bad guy. Like she just decided one day to leave and break up a happy home.

Still you deny her accusations. Until everything she already knew is finally confirmed. You have no way out of it. You've been caught. You try to talk your way out of it. She yells at you.

She leaves. You try to make excuses. Try to convince her of your innocence. But the trust is gone. Completely obliterated. It can never be regained. She knows this.

She's completely heartbroken, because up until that moment, she could still try to deny it to herself. But now she knows just how far the betrayal went. And it's the heaviest burden she's ever had to bear. It's suffocating. And confusing. And exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mentally. She's hurt in every way possible.

How could you be so cruel?

But what she doesn't realize yet is that she came out on top, regardless of how much it hurt. And now it's your turn to suffer. She wont do it to you intentionally because she's better than that. She won't hurt you the way you've hurt her. But now the tides have turned. You want her back? She wants nothing to do with you. You realize now that she was everything you ever wanted but were too blind or young or selfish and you ruined it? That's really too bad...

In the months that follow, she regains her sense of self and finds freedom again. She realizes that she can do anything that she wants and she can do it all without you. And she's happier this way. Yet you still can't let her go. You think about her all too often and you try to talk to her. She still want's nothing to do with you. You buy her gifts and make her promises to try to regain her affection but she is not so naive anymore.

You finally start to realize that the mistakes you made cannot be undone, and for her, they will never be forgotten. You try everything you can possibly think of, to no avail.

You lost her. 

You've taught her a lesson she'll never forget and she's better off because of it; but you aren't. You're the one who cheated. It was fun though right? I'm sure you thought it was worth it at the time. I'd bet you've changed your mind since then though. You know she's happier without you and it kills you. You don't get to see your child or tuck your baby into bed at night any more. How does that feel?

I'd bet it hurts.

But you know what? It's all okay. It was a lesson learned for both of you. She became stronger because of you, and she knows it. She even thanks you for it. And you? Well, hopefully you will learn from your mistakes and do better next time. Or maybe not. It's entirely up to you.

At least she found her happiness. It wasn't in the way she expected, but she did find it.

As for you?

Better luck next time.


The Woman Who Found Happiness

Weekly Wishes: Vol. 2

Nov 3, 2014

Okay, so last week didn't go quite as planned but I mean really, does anything ever actually go as planned? I think not. It's just life and you gotta roll with the punches and move along. So, here we are. (If you want to check out last weeks goals that I failed at miserably, click here.)

Anyway lets just dive in, shall we? 

  1. This one's rolling over from last week - Publish the post with our pumpkin patch pictures from Jaimie Ann Photography. Really Olivia, get your shit together. 
  2. Knock at least 2 more people off my list for Christmas buying. I've already got quite a few crossed off but my family is ridiculously large. Either way, I am so looking forward to wrapping all the stuff I already have :) I'm trying to put it off a little longer until I actually have a tree to put them under. Only a few more weeks!!
  3. Get Ahead. This is pretty general but I have an ongoing to do list that has had a few things sitting on it for entirely too long. I need to check off at least three of these items this week. 
Hopefully I'll do better this week and stay focused. Hoping everyone has a wonderful Monday!


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